Manifold Mercies

Yet in Your manifold mercies You did not forsake them in the wilderness. The pillar of cloud did not depart from them by day, To lead them on the road; Nor the pillar of fire by night, To show them light, and the way they should go. (Nehemiah 9:19 NKJV)

My son is graduating.

He is my first.

Fresh from the womb he stole my heart the moment his beautiful dark eyes looked into mine. From climbing trees at 18 months old to learning how to ride a two wheeler without training wheels at age two, this boy was born to trailblaze. The manifold mercies of God have marked every step of raising kids through our cancer journey. The Lord’s multiple abundant acts of kindness, compassion, and goodness move us to tears of thanksgiving today.

Sometimes you see more looking back than you do in the moment when it comes to parenting. From where I stand, 18 years down the road from day one of motherhood, I see God’s goodness in allowing the transformative tools of cancer and heartache.

My meet up with mortality was dished for dinner the night of December 23, 2013. I had five years of parenting where I never gave it a thought if I would be here to raise my kids or not. Being diagnosed with “incurable” cancer when my firstborn was five years old changed me as mom. My eyes were moved from what is temporal to what is eternal. My approach to homeschooling was trimmed to what transforms us to be more like His Son and to what prepares them for the unique calling He has on their life.

I see our Creator’s purpose in His design of each of my four children.

My trailblazing son was a huge part of God’s provision. This full-of-faith boy at the age of seven was used by Jesus to turn the lemons of an “incurable” cancer diagnosis into lemonade. His first lemonade sale brought in $4000 and was syndicated to worldwide news. The fund raiser from his lemonade sale brought in $38,000 to send me to holistic cancer care in Mexico! I will never forget his words to me when I gently asked him how he would sell that much lemonade to pay for my treatment, “One cup at a time, Momma. One cup at a time.”

Meditating on the manifold mercies of God moves us forward with hearts that embrace trials as a chance to be transformed into the likeness of our Beloved Lord and Savior.

His life verse is “Nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37). I have held fast to that during the years the roads felt too steep to climb. Meditating on the manifold mercies of God moves us forward with hearts that embrace trials as a chance to be transformed into the likeness of our Beloved Lord and Savior.

Life is full of firsts.

Life is full of lasts.

The Lord wants our whole, undivided heart. That’s where hurt meets Healer.

Those of us who are sensitive souls feel these firsts and lasts deep within our being. It’s a tug-of-war between rejoicing and grieving, swelling with joy, and aching with loss. Too often we do not name the loss, and we force our hearts straight into the expected responses. The mercies of our Lord are new every morning to meet us where we are. The Lord wants our whole, undivided heart. That’s where hurt meets Healer.

My heart swells with joy and gratitude to the Lord for how He has kept this young man’s faith strong in the face of so much adversity. My heart aches with the realization that the time has come to release this sharpened arrow out into our big world to make the mark God has prepared for him.

Weeping and rejoicing, this is our call as believers! The best part is that we do not do it alone! I am grateful for the ways manifold mercies have shown up through God’s people. My family has been blessed beyond comprehension with the goodness of God as experienced through His people! Being in the fold of Christ helps us with that tug-of-war tension between weeping and rejoicing.

Jesus has not only never forsaken us, He has blessed us beyond measure right in the midst of the messy parts of life.

My first born is graduating. Rejoicing wins today. And it will win tomorrow. And every single day I’m gifted here until I am safely Home in the arms of my Beloved. Not a tear has been shed without my Beloved with me. Not a mountain top climbed without Him carrying me up. Jesus has not only never forsaken us, He has blessed us beyond measure right in the midst of the messy parts of life. I wouldn’t trade a single moment of mess for one less glimpse of my Messiah.

Wherever this finds you today, weeping or rejoicing, may you be gifted a tangible awareness of our Messiah as you reflect on your life and meditate on His manifold mercies.